ICC World Cup Snippets – Part 3

World Cup is over but Indian cricket fans all over the world still refuse to put a stop on celebrations. Not all of them are happy like Indians. There is a country that moans even now!

A criminal case filed against Pakistan Captain Shahid Afridi, Information Minister Dr. Firdous Ashiq Awan and Interior Minister Abdur Rehman Malik for murdering three Pakistan cricket fans!!

How do they murder? It requires little explanation – Three Pakistan men died of heart attack after their team lost to India! A lawyer filed a petition in the Lahore High Court (LHC) seeking a judicial probe into the defeat of Pakistan cricket team in the semi-finals, played in Mohali India.

Azhar Siddique, advocate claimed that the government deliberately got its team routed due to its friendship with India. So indirectly Shahid Afridi and his fellow Pakistanis are murdered their own fans by playing shoddy game!

This took exactly 2 hours and 52 minutes for a supporting staff to put in plain words to Pakistan Captain Shahid Afridi! Still he asks in extreme perplexity “lekin, may kaisa khoon kia yaar? I did not see those guys died in my entire life. I really don’t know them! How can I kill them?”

Pakistan wicket keeper Kamran Akmal was in the lime light throughout the tournament more for bad reasons than not. Akmal’s calamitous performance behind the stumps against New Zealand unleashed a stream of criticism and paved for the younger brother Umar to take over. Kamran promised Umar two choco bars and a lolly pop if he can find some way to rescue his elder brother from this extreme jeopardy! What did Umar do, he hurt his finger and then ankle to prove that he is unfit for wicket keeping job. In fact Umar is very clever; he killed two birds with one stone. By seeing his brother struggling behind the stumps he is not at all keen to take up the job, one way or other he would be slipping away from this suicidal post, which is what exactly he did with 2 choco bars and a lolly pop!

You will see the matches interrupted by the fanatical crowd throwing water bottles and placards to the ground, because they can’t bear to see their team be defeated. Here the story is different, Bangladesh cricket fans stoned at West Indies team bus following their home team’s defeat against Caribbean! So this really is a serious threat! Bear in mind, if anybody wins against Bangladesh will face same consequences!

Colombo organizers were a little too quick off the mark with the firework display arranged to coincide with the end of Muttiah Miralitharan’s last appearance on home soil. Thilsan Samaraveera was still seeking the winning run against the New Zealand when the night sky was prematurely lit up. A New Zealand batsman asked so sympathetically after the match “Are they really over bored of Murali? Seems like they just wanted to send him off as quickly as possible!”

Aspiring actress Poonam Pandey who has grabbed headlines for stating that she will bare all if Team India wins the World Cup, has been flooded with offers from foreign glossies, international magazines and even some adult toy companies. See how a 19 year old intelligent girl making money and building her career along with cricketers who played in the world cup! Every one expecting a live naked show after the Indian win got disappointed. Poonam said it is only for men in blue, not for everyone!  She sent an official letter to the BCCI saying going naked for the team would have a ‘therapeutic’ effect on Team India and help them win! In the letter she wrote “…I want India to win the Cricket World Cup 2011 and am willing to go the extra mile to do anything so that India wins the World Cup. I am ready and willing at any place and time of the Indian teams choosing to go in the nude to boost their sporting spirit to perform better.”

Did she really think these Indians can get hard on by seeing her ‘snooker table’ body? Dear Poonam, these are the guys playing for IPL every year, you are not half beautiful and fit than those cheer ladies at the boundary lines. If you doubt my claim ask Ashish Nehra, even he will agree with me! Only guy who asked about you after the match was Piyush Chawla. He is curious rather than desperate as he haven’t seen anything like that in his life before, but not all of them are like him, you idiot!

The day after the High Voltage Match!

Next day after the clash of two giants in World Cup semi final I went to a salon to have a haircut. Those Pakistan hair dressers seem like so dejected and frustrated, I did not say a word about cricket till they finish their job on my hair, I was really scared of losing one of my ear between their scissor blades if I utter a word about cricket!

I thought it was so strange when I noticed they were watching a Chinese channel on the TV, err.., they were listening to the Chinese channel on TV. Before going out of the salon, after opening the push door completely I asked the hair dresser, “Why are you watching a Chinese channel? Do you know Chinese?”

“Every fucking channel is talking about that chootiya khel cricket. We had enough, all bullshit!” One of the men grumbled with an astonishing anger!

“But that is only a game, one team has to lose. Both teams cannot be qualified for the final game” I put forward a general theory.

“Then why can’t you guys lose the game?” one of them shouted!

I closed the door and walked away, immediately I understood the intensity of the situation! After a while I turned back in fear to check if they are coming after me with a scissors to cut my neck?

I would say the empathetic Indian win against their neighbor should contribute a lot to Pakistan cricket team itself for their dropped catches, sloppy fielding, run out chances and Kamran Akmal.  The Pakistan wicket keeper did something right only to make Goutham Gambhir out. Otherwise he was in his usual form.

Man of the Match Sachin Tendulkar should gift his trophy to Pakistan’s Mis bah ul Haq! He is the one worked hard to see India win. As fuming Pakistan commentator Rameez Raja said “if Mis Bah can hit a six like that in last overs (where there is no hope left) why couldn’t he hit one before?”

As long as Mis Bah Ul Haq is there in Pakistan cricket team India can win any tight, pressure cooker match effortlessly, remember T20 World Cup final?

Harbhajan Singh is under injury threat after taking two or three flying moths in his mouth following the wicket of Pakistan Captain Shahid Afridi! The insects entered in his mouth died immediately, one which narrowly escaped told his friends his three best friends sunk in a toilet bowl! Don’t ever fly nearby that thing, it is highly dangerous! If you don’t sink in it, you might get strangled in curly hair around it!

Bangladesh humiliation!

Either Bangladesh public is over ambitious or the team. Are they really thought they could win this world cup? Or they could beat every team that plays against them?

What a mismatch. What a shame. Bangladesh elected to bat, Captain Sakhib Ul Hassan probably thinking to score around 300 plus runs. Instead scored 58 (not an individual score, the whole team total) and allowed West Indies to win the match in 12 overs! Bangladesh public gone mad, they started throwing papers, towels and even jerseys to the ground. They booed so much restlessly after their team got out cheaply, the boos around the shere Bangla National stadium could still be heard even when the West Indian openers Chris Gayle and Bravo came out to bat.

Real humiliation; ruthless West Indies ripped the team Bangladesh in front of their own fans. In a way they turned their own crowd against them.

I won’t blame the crowd, they came to watch a match if not a win, they came with 4's and 6's cards, and girls came with their throat cleaned to scream, shout, and sing. Nothing happened, throughout the match they were kept silent by the performance of Bangladesh team, in fact Bangladesh fans were in a state of shock, forgot to react till the last wicket went down! When West Indies started batting they started cheering for West Indies batsmen, they cheered each and every boundary Gayle hit. OK, this is one way of enjoying the game, end of the day public is the one paid the money. Incidentally I remember a Japanese proverb “Better the beak of the hen than the tail of the horse”.

ICC World Cup 2011 Snippets – Part 1

2011 ICC World Cup kick started with a beautiful boundary from India’s Virendar Sehwag. His survival as a batsman in the crease for the first 5 overs are running on 80% of pure luck. Next 5 overs 60% of luck, after 25 overs it is 100% talent with little or no luck!

Look at his game against England on their second match in world cup. First ball he faced turned into streaky four, well, he wasn’t teasing the team England with those half chances, he was hell nervous out there and Bangalore crowd was aesthetic!

Match between Pakistan and Srilanka too was a good entertainment. But wait…, a young Pakistan batsman jumped on the pitch while batting, apparently spoiling the pitch according to the umpire. Umpire called the batsman immediately and tried to explain not to jump on the pitch, poor Pak player didn’t understand a thing what umpire was trying to convey. Umpire jumped hard on the same surface to show the batsman not to do that!! Srilankan captain Sangakkara was pulling his hair out and finally pleaded to the umpire let it be, if he got it or not. Don’t show it on the pitch sir, we got to bat after this!

Sachin Tendulkar is a living legend, but he is not bigger than team India. Every tom dick and harry says India should win this year’s world cup for Sachin Tendulkar. What about the country? What about millions of Indian fans around the world? Less fortunate street ass riding on Tendulkar’s popularity is not new. Started by one time Sachin’s good pal Vinod Kambli, and it was like a domino effect everyone including Harbhajan Singh backing up the presupposition. Harbhajan Singh is well known friend of Sachin Paji, or Harbhajan created this impression about him and Sachin in media smartly responding on anything about Sachin, in return he gained so much of popularity, a lot of money from the ads and a place in Mumbai Indians in Indian Premier League, even his own state team Punjab Super Kings didn’t rate him so much!

Indian pacer Sree Sranth was very upset initially when he was left out of the World Cup team. He cried on the rooftop to pick up some sympathy (not exactly like how he reacted after getting slapped) Indian Cricket team chief selector Krishnamachari Srikanth compelled to answer the media questions when he visited Kerala; the speedster’s home state. In fact Srikanth was struggling to find a convincing answer. Praveen Kumar’s ill timed injury became blessing for Sri Shant, he played against Bangladesh in opening match and showed the world why he wasn’t picked in playing eleven initially. Now Srikanth is thanking Srisanth for clearing the cloud!