Harbhajan Singh - When will you learn?

Harbhajan Singh is one cricketer who would never leave the lime light even in his sleep, while he suck the thumb in a nice deep sleep you go there to his home with a video camera; strangely you can find his middle finger rising at you – this is his automatic reaction to the media that no doctor in the world have the clue about! That is Bhaji as affectionately called by his fans and friends! He loves to stay in the news regardless of the way how he gets there. Slap gate, spitting, abusing, kicking, staring…you name it; poor fellow had tried everything possible to get his name in the news! He makes even more news after realizing that he did something wrong and necessitates covering it with some crap.

Harbhajan has this uncanny ability to piss off anybody who comes close to him in a mile or so just like his co-player Srisanth! If Sri is a grenade then Bhaji is machine gun, he gets into controversies in rapid pace and enthusiasm that nobody could match. In very rare occasions these giant bulls likes to meet in a ring. Last time when they scuffle in a Wrestling called IPL Wrestle Mania; Bhaji won the brawn game by a huge margin while Sri thrives in brain game. The fearsome pace bowler cried in public like a baby who lost the candy to bring much required camera attention. Nobody had an idea why this beast is crying including the commentators, Kings XII Punjab - Srisanth’s team in IPL; won the match convincingly against Mumbai Indians, hoist the doubt of having him overjoyed tears! When they watched the video; someone in the dressing room found that shocking reality - Preity Zinta the bubbly owner of Kings XII Punjab cuddled every team members except Sri! Is he upset and heartbroken by this merciless act by the movie star? No. Not at all – Bhaji gave him a tight slap, this kind of brainless act can be done by only one person in current Indian team that is none other than Bhaji. Srisanth’s cry caused Bhaji hell of lot money, his burning desire to buy a HUMMER vehicle faded like a line in the water. He bought one this year though, took two more years to fulfill his wish! Even his much sort after HUMMER led him into another controversy for driving the vehicle on Indian roads without proper registration or documents!

In Australian tour Bhaji called Symonds (another short tempered cricketer) “Monkey”! It triggered a lot of controversies even prompting Indian team to pull off the tour! Good for Bhaji this incident took place before the Slap gate or else BCCI will not be buying his version of it! Bhaji refused any wrong doings with the backing of few senior players in the team straight away. He explained “I never called Symonds monkey but I called him Makki Chooth! He misunderstood my native language as an English word!” The explanation was taken, Cricket Australia convinced completely. Bhaji let go without any major punishment, some players in the Aussies side were furious and dejected about the judgment. Now readers in the west will be wondering what did he call Symo in his native language – Makki Chooth means Mother Fucker!!! A term that is much more abusive and offensive than Monkey in India.

No doubt there is a huge cultural gap between west and east. Most of the part in India monkey is god, in some northern cities there are thousands of monkeys living openly in temples and nearby areas. Snatching food and other items from onlookers and hurting people are not a news there, can’t abuse monkeys or smack them, because according to Hindu believes those are “athma” (souls) of dead people, it can be your own ancestors! Who wants to smack their own grandpas?

The word “Makki chooth” is been used by low class uneducated people in India in extreme situations. You can measure the individual quality of a man in Bhaji here! He is the one been awarded by Indian government with one of the highest honor “Padmasri”. Being too big to go and accept the award the off spinner chose to get entertained and shoot for ads with few friends also evoked ripple of controversy!

To add the last one to Bhaji’s ever ending controversy list is jabbing a camera person in Bangalore Airport after the camera man brushed against him while filming. Indian Television channels showed clearly the spoilt brat Bhaji hitting the camera after the camera man pushed forward while the player was retrieving luggage from a car.

Media in India is like bunch of hungry wolves constantly searching for some sensationalism or bits and pieces of celebrity news, may be they knows better how to extract a news out of Bhaji! Succeed in big time, channels celebrated and filled their news hours with this not so important news!

Again Bhaji is in fresh storm. Like everybody does now days to come out of the cloud he too came up with his own version of the story in his own blog.

“I am facing the car, I have no clue what is behind me. The camera man is seen running towards me and the intensity and pace with which his camera clearly hits my head and it was not like just a touch, it hit me hard on my head and patka," Harbhajan wrote in his blog.

"I am very particular of being touched and hit at my head or my patka. As a prompt reflex, not even knowing what hit my head I pushed the object, realizing it after I pushed it that it was a camera. At no stage did I hit or slap the cameraman. Neither will I ever do it," he added.

But Mr.Harbhajan Singh, the camera eyes will not lie, it clearly shows that you are hitting the camera and staring at the camera man like a goon on the street! How long we people have to compromise on your behavior for your contribution to Indian cricket? Is there any problem with the way how you brought up or the transformation happened after you became rich and popular?

Rakhi Sawant - A Stunt Swayamvar!

Over the past month, Indian item girl Rakhi Sawant left the country in terror as she met, appraised and selected finalists fitting the mould of her ideal groom on the reality show Rakhi Ka Swayamwar.

Rakhi gone ahead and done it! She pulled off a stunt that many are still trying to get in grip with. Rakhi Sawant's wedding on TV was a success with Toronto-based Elesh Parujanwala being selected as the chosen one to marry a woman who jerked the audience through TV and Cinemas with her belly and cleavage. Undoubtedly she is one loudest mouth in Bollywood without any direct competition.

Most of Rakhi's co-workers from Bollywood laughed at the show in the beginning; gradually the laughter had given the way to serious thinking, the TV channel made a lot of money through advertisements and other marketing strategies. The final output was nothing less than an instant hit!

It was a real shock to see those well groomed, handsome and wealthy business men from inside and out of India coming ahead to get married with a woman who can barely act, smile and talk decent topics if that is the measure they put forward for a best bride to be. Even more shocking to see is Rakhi Sawant in a mask of a bashful, coy Indian bride with a rose garland in her hand! What a transformation! Excuse me; did I say she can't act? If yes, I meant only in movies!

Bollywood sex siren who made the Indian version of American dating show The Bachelorette a hit – says her groom will have no choice but to meet her lofty standards.

"Let me make it clear, I will not marry now. All I am going to do is choose a groom tonight. We will date for one or two years and let me see if he passes my test. He cannot touch me or marry me until he finds a well-paid job and buys a posh three-bedroom flat in Mumbai. I will not compromise on any of these."

Rakhi's demand would make any serious suitor break in to sprint. Couldn't understand why she need three-bedroom apartment in Mumbai though. Why not two? One could be for couple; second one can be for visitors, and the third one? OK, I am not letting my imagination go wild.

Rakhi continued "I will never quit the Bollywood after marriage like some of the actresses have done. My first love is my job. (Yes, she said job!) I have given my blood to make it big. Marriage will be a part of my life. It's not my top priority" Please can anybody tell her she is not exactly "IN" the Bollywood to quit!? Or is she not aware of the fact that one should go IN to get OUT?

Incidentally I remember a controversy that surrounded Rakhi Sawant and troubled her at the beginning of her movie career (If anything that sort really exist) some tabloid printed on the front page that she is a transsexual! Followed by few other yellow news papers that the sex queen is a shemale! Poor Rakhi had hard time to convince the public through different electronic media that she is a real girl born with all human lady parts. Rakhi really was in a trap that she can't open up and show to the public but same time wanted to convince them desperately! There were rumors some big shots in Bollywood got totally confused with this puzzle gone to Rakhi's house in Mumbai and made sure she is not a transsexual!

Rakhi Sawant also fears that the winner will turn out to be a fame-hungry monster once the cameras are switched off.

"When the cameras are on, every body is nice. They are all Mr.Goody-goody. Let me see what happens when cameras are switched off. (the lights too!) I would never want to be in a position where he lives off my money. Don't you think I deserve better? (Certainly!) All my life I have taken care of my family, so there is no chance in hell that I will take care of my husband too." Ladies and gentleman, now you know who fed her family! It is she. Not her brother!!

"I am willing to give him time but I would hate it if he turned out to be a Ghar Jamai (cuckold husband who parks himself in the bride's house) He will have to use his brain cells, the way I used mine to become a celebrity (really brain cells? Or something else?) With this show they have become small time celebrities. But now it is up to them to become someone big. They should turn out as smart as Sharukh Khan, Amir Khan and Salman Khan. So I am giving my would-be a time frame of one or two years."

I have a serious question to Elesh Parujanwala the one had chosen by Rakhi Sawant. If you can be another Sharukh or Aamir Khan in two years time wouldn't be you getting a better bride than a mare item girl who shakes her belly for bread? And how the hell you gonna introduce yourself in public? Rakhi's chosen one, or the father of Rakhi's kids? Tomorrow how you gonna answer your kids if they ask you why you married mom in a game show?

Now Rakhi Sawant is trying to give us a hint by saying " I will also make clear to the winner. I don't believe in live-in relationships. I am an Indian girl and my culture doesnt allow me to sleep around with men. If I allow such liberties what is the difference between me and Firang Ladki? (western girl) I may wear short skirt and low waist jeans (more often won't wear anything) but I am not broad minded in such matters. If he ever crosses his limit, that's it for him. It's over between us."

Helpless poor chaps, came all the way to the well for a drop of water, now the owner of well is refusing to give the water!

Though most unlikely to happen I hope Rakhi Sawant's wedding will take place in one or two years time with the same person and it will last forever. You must be wondering what hint she left for us to guess, expect Rakhi Ka Swayamvar IInd part soon!

Book of Buchanan – Another failed venture!

If you are writing a book, or planning to write a book for sure you know how to hype it up to get the best sales figures, isn’t it? Bitch about someone just smiled at you other day, talk about an affair with your nanny, degrade someone who is currently on his/her peak time, to the extend say you bedded your neighbor’s wife etc. these are few tips to entertain the readers as well as bring the much needed attention to the book. This ritual has been practiced for decades by number of writers and non-writers, and quite remarkable to see them happening over and over again. I am talking about those new writers who are seeking the public consideration desperately. Lately a sentry who guarded Michael Jackson’s house came out with a book accusing MJ as a gay! Next day his ex-nanny published another book claiming MJ’s family members are greedy for the treasure that MJ had hidden somewhere in closet, I am sure if the book has to be published a month ago MJ himself would be searching for this so called treasure that only his nanny knows! After all these hoopla what happens following the book hit shelves? The writer come up with the denial and says his book has taken out of context!! Hoping some more people will buy his book to elucidate who is right the writer or electronic media.

There is one more name to add to the list of writers who made the drone before their book release, it is none other than former Australian cricket coach John Buchanan. He poke at the sleeping tigers without any particular reason other than eying on book sales, as victims always should be big names; here too the story is not different. Buchanan questioned and challenged Indian dummy god Sachin Tendulkar, the wall Rahul Dravid, prince of Kolkatta Sourav Ganguly and probably less coloured them all VVS Laxman in his latest “fictitious” work.

I must admit the fact, I had lost the believe in Buchanan’s ability as coach in the light of his recent deeds especially his “non-performance” as Kolkatta Knight Rider’s coach in second edition of IPL! He was one of the most confused human on earth to come up with the nonsensical multi-captain theory, the whole cricketing world condemned it and made noise, Sourav Ganguly’s (then captain of KKR) fans showed their extreme anger by burning effigies of Buchanan on the streets of Kolkatta, unfortunately one person went unheard about all these buzz is the owner of the team Mr. Sharukh Khan. He paid the price for unwise ignorance in later stage but by the time damages has been done.

There was a strong reason why Buchanan turned as a confused bloke during his tenure with KKR. His Laptop affected by a weird Trojan virus, when he clicked on start button it shuts down the window, when he opened a site for long leg fielding tricks it opened long leg of a white whore in a porno site, clicked on program menu it went to the format options! To fuel the agony he is one coach who always rely on Laptop, what you expect him to do when his laptop is as confused as this? He too mystified just like his laptop and came out with a totally bewildered chap’s typical outlandish thinking!

To me a coach is only as good as the team he has. During Buchanan’s candy days with Cricket Australia, he had a team that in fact required a little prompting with an array of enviable talent. Such was Steve Waugh’s squad that need no coach at all, from the top captain Steve Waugh to the bottom Brett Lee knows their role correctly and properly, and eager to apply their share of contribution to the team. Aussies would be having lesser trophies than what they have now only if Buchanan had to open his laptop more often that he is doing with other teams he is coaching! Look at inaugural edition of IPL, Rajasthan Royals had no coach; they triumphed as champions with clever captaincy by Warnie and almost all new comers with high energy level to prove their worth. Each and every one of the team members knows their business only too well to be told anything at all.

Under the circumstances, Buchanan merely moved with the flow like a true blue blood Australian and stretched out in the reflected glory of the team. However during his tenure there were plenty of whispers of a discord between Buchanan and some of the senior players including Steve Waugh, and Shane Warne. Notably heard by outer world was Warnie’s voice, he had his own share of problems with his wife and girl friends, his marriage was on rock, following all these personal problems that nobody in the world could fix it, he came to the team to see this middle aged man doing nothing but chewing salad sandwiches in regular intervals and taking away the credits and splendors of team’s success! Warnie’s expression published in the news papers “an international team no need a coach” made a furor between him and Buchanan.

Nobody is questioning Buchanan’s right to express his views and expertise about cricket to the media, but he should be able to back them up with his performance. He got carried away with his own perceived importance during his tenure with KKR. Initially plotted and perished, drowned the team with him into mediocrity and failure!

Buchanan’s only success was he managed to keep himself in the spotlight with his amateurish blunders. After IPL disaster the man managed to get himself back on the news lines by allegedly “spilling the beans” act with English coach ahead of Ashes series. For a man who hailed as a greatest cricketing coach in the world following Steve Waugh’s amazing run of success, Buchanan exposed his triviality with his latest acts and statements.

Every publisher with sales figures in their mind will ask the writer to include a chapter or two with a little twist, sex. Classic gimmick to make pre-sale publicity is abuse someone who did nothing to the author. If accused is shocked, and the audience who heard about it is shocked, the book definitely going to be a hit! It is bound to trigger some controversies eventually book sales figures.

But let me tell you something, Buchanan’s book The Future of Cricket: The rise of Twenty 20 is a big yawn. It is not a literal work or any thing that sort. Some one asked him to write about cricket, he wrote it probably while high on drugs!

Shiney Ahuja – Rapist or been Framed -up?

Rape case is always been headline catcher for centuries, what if a celebrity involved in it? The television channels will be celebrating it like a carnival with different interviews and their own versions with top of the range creativity, few channels with reputation of being Sherlock Holmes will be doing their own investigations with hidden cameras fitted every where even on some highly enigmatic undisclosed body parts!

Shyney Ahuja is one of the raising handsome actors in Bollywood. Very much married and has a two year old kid. Why should he rape his house made when there are plenty of angel looking actresses are around him with complete willingness? One can contradict the view of mine with a simple theory of wild - hunter always likes to hunt! Yeah, right! There is no entertainment when the prey is ready to be hunted, thanks to Animal Planet for this information!

The victim, a resident of Vasai suburb in neighboring Thane district, used to commute by local train to Shiney's home daily for doing household chores along with two other part-time servants. One late night when nobody was there at home Shiney raped the girl repeatedly and threatened her to kill if she discloses this to anybody!

Frankly, Shiney Ahuja is in a deep shit already, as if it is not enough for him; in another alarming disclosure, as per general physical examination, the victim could be aged between 17-18 years making her a minor as per Indian laws. DNA samples taken by forensic experts from clothes and other personal belongings of the actor and the victim were sent for tests.

Medical tests conducted earlier had confirmed the girl had been raped!

Shiney Ahuja’s version came out as expected – it was consensual sex. But the teenage girl’s primary test doesn’t support his version!

Sex, city and crime is regular themes of Bollywood, there were number of sex involved controversies those enriched the stars like Jack Shareef and Power Kapoor, but all of them were consensual sex and no rape has been reported till now. This is something new and extremely terrifying!

Now Shiney's wife came for her husband's rescue with the statement to the press says "My husband is been framed-up by someone probably because he is a soft target. I know Shiney for 15 years and he will not commit a crime like this! He is my man!"

What ever the case is, there will be two opinions to everything regardless of good or bad. Let’s see who all are supporting Shiney Ahuja and who all are not;

Pritish Nandy: The matter is under investigation. I strongly believe in justice taking its own course. However, I feel too many people are jumping to too many conclusions. Let's not judge Shiney until the investigations are concluded.

J Yeah, right. But Shiney is a suspect and he is in police custody, will you agree that? Or will you say that too people’s hallucinations?

Mahesh Bhatt: The news has shocked and shamed us. The Shiney we at Vishesh Films worked with in Gangster - A Love Story and Woh Lamhe is not the demon that surfaced in the media on Sunday night. If what is alleged is proved in the courts, we must condemn the dastardly deed with all our might. Our outrage cannot be selective.

J Mr.Mahesh Bhatt, your intention is right though we doubt about the outrage you are talking about.

Anurag Basu: I'm in a state of shocked disbelief. This has got to be conspiracy to malign him. Shiney has done two of his best films with me. We've bonded over a long period of time. Never ever has there been even a hint of bad behaviour from him. I wouldn't have tolerated it. It's not fair to try Shiney on television. Let the law decide. I'll believe it only if Shiney himself tells me. He has worked with some of the most beautiful heroines. No one has ever had any grievance against him. I feel this is a trap to malign him.

J Shiney himself agreed to the police that he had consensual sex with the girl in order to escape the rape charge, we know you won't even believe that until he come to your house and tell you that he had consensual sex with the girl, still you will be insisting to show it in real how it happened to be convinced completely! And we don’t think any heroines will complain against him either!

Sudhir Mishra: What can I say? The Shiney that I know and the Shiney that I hear about now are two different entities. Though he has been a little upset with me for six months because I was working with others actors, we're very close. Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi was not just the film that launched him it was also a turning point in my career. It bonded us for a lifetime. I just can't believe that the Shiney, who is being accused of this behaviour, is the same person I know. There were so many women on the sets. They never had any complaints about Shiney's behaviour. In fact, Shiney did a film with my assistant Ruchi Narain called Kal: Yesterday and Tomorrow . Shiney was always a thorough gentleman. I'm sure there's some misunderstanding here.

J What kind of misunderstanding? The girl raped Shiney with a special tool and media aired the wrong news?! Mr.Sudhir, you are indirectly insulting your assistant Ruchi Narain, now there will be some suspicious eyes on her too! For your kind information; no rapists will be walking around on the streets with his zippers opened and looking for a prey nor do they write it on their forehead!

Mukesh Bhatt: I'm appalled by the way the electronic medium has already labelled Shiney a rapist. You can't do this to a man who has a family, career and a bright future. Do these byte-hungry channels realise how his career would be affected by all these premature and careless reports? Punish him by all means, if he's guilty. But let the law decide that. How do we now what really happened? Anyone can say anything about someone in the limelight. Suppose they had consensual sex? This behaviour seems so out of character and so absurd.

J Agreed. Don’t call him rapist till it is proved. But not anyone is accusing anybody simply because he is in the limelight. For example we are not accusing you for some wrong doings just because you are part of Bollywood!

Kunal Kohli: I worked briefly with Shiney in Fanaa. This is indeed very sad. Rape is the worst crime a man can commit against a woman. If he's guilty, then it's really very shocking and shameful. Any rapist should be dealt with in the severest way.

J Diplomatic or honest?

Shilpa Shetty: It's shocking! I can't believe it. We don't know for sure what transpired between Shiney and the girl and we really can't say what the truth is. But if it really happened, it's sad.

J Mam, the girl got injured by a man’s nail, tooth and ****. And police primary test says it is Shiney the man who raped her. Now what you gonna do? Be sad? That’s it?

Chitrangada Singh: I worked with him in two films. It's very shocking and unfortunate. Though I didn't know him personally, I felt he was a nice guy on the sets. Kept a bit aloof. Quiet and ambitious. He got along with people just fine. I hope the investigations are fair. And that someone doesn't get punished for being a celebrity. He seems to have said it was consensual sex. I think it takes courage to own up. I hope he stays strong through this. People do make mistakes. One has to pay for wrongs done. But the punishment should be fair. And if there's rape, justice has to be done to the girl.

J He said to the police it is consensual sex not because he got a lot of courage to own up, it is the only way out for him!

Latest news broke out while I am typing this article, National Commission for Women (NCW) chairperson Girija Vyas urged the Maharashtra government to try the case of Shiney Ahuja in a fast track court, she has come to Mumbai to meet the victim and also expressed her willingness to meet Shiney's wife Anupam.

Shiney has been booked under Indian Penal Code (IPC) Sec 376 (rape), Sec 346 (wrongful restraint) and Sec 506 (threat to kill) among others.

The ultimate truth will surface very soon. Keep visiting this blog for more than just news!